My Last 5 Diary Entries

The Three People That Actually Read This

Holy Shit

I’m pregnant. WOOHOO YIPPIE HOORAY! Fireworks, marching band, 21 gun salute! Holy shit. Really that has got to be the first and most real reaction—holy shit. Now, when I say this to some people they automatically assume it was unplanned or that I am unhappy. Not true. I just can’t believe it actually happened to me. It is something we were planning and something I always figured I would do—but to actually know it, for it to be real, to be set in motion—unfathomable. And then beautiful. Am I getting any of this across? I guess what I am trying to say is that I am so effing excited I can hardly stand it and I also can’t believe that I am really and truly going to have a freakin baby. We only stopped using birth control in June and we hadn’t been actively “trying”—for all of the smartasses, what I mean is- it has taken a lot of my friends at least six months to get pregnant and we weren’t like taking temperatures or paying attention to cycles.

At any rate I will now take you on my short journey to mother-to-be land. It was exactly two weeks ago this night. I was at the gym contemplating my techno creed entry (p.s. sorry about leaving that stupid crap up so long) and I decided on a whim that I might go buy a pregnancy test afterward. One of my friends recently found out she was pregnant and it got me counting but as it always goes I couldn’t for the life of me remember times and dates and crap like that. After my work-out I almost decided to skip the store but then I thought—no I want some ice cream and oh yeah I might buy one of those tests.

Oh, now might be a good time to mention that Brian was at class. So I go into the grocery store and get my ice cream and the test—to illustrate how much stock I was putting into the thought that I was actually pregnant I will tell you that I bought the cheapo generic test. Then I started thinking, I know my thought process will seem quite strange—I started thinking that Brian didn’t have any beer. If by some chance I was pregnant I couldn’t tell homeboy and there be no beer. (if you are a guy who loves beer you understand) Anyway, so I decided I better take the test right now, in the store. So I went into the handicapped stall and hung up my purse and ice cream and peed on the stick. That shit showed up positive in like 23 seconds. I was like “holy shit—it can’t be true,it can’t be true---not because I was upset but because I didn’t want to dare to believe it—I didn’t want to hope and then find out I fucked up the test like an Id. So what did I do? I put the stick in the bag—carried my happy ass back over to the pharmacy and bought two more of the most expensive m-effers I could find.

When I was walking thru the store it felt like the twilight zone. People were asking me “how ya doin?” I felt like saying “pregnant!” I went and bought Brian some beer , went home and took another test. Still pregnant. It is now about 7:15 and this bitch isn’t getting home until 10:00—fuck me. And you know you can’t tell anyone other that the father first. I felt like taking the other test—I felt like taking 10 more tests, but I knew I’d better wait until dude came home because he, like me, would never believe it until he saw for himself. So I did the only thing a girl in my postion can do—I called his ass up and lied—I said I felt sick and really, really needed him to come home. Well this bitch must have known something was up because in he rolls half an hour later with a six-pack under his arm. WTF? He asked me how I was feeling and I told him I kinda lied—I said “I’m not sick, I’m pregnant” he said “ your kidding right?” like 30 times—but like I said before-he didn’t want to hope either. So I peed on my third stick and then we danced around like dummies. We are still dancing. Yay us. P.s if you can think of any names –especially girl names please share. Double P.s. I would like to take this time to say that I told my good friend Wendy that very night after the husband and she has been a pure hype ass peach of a girl for not tellin it.

in - out